Heart Health

I only have one recipe that I think is perfect. My chocolate chip cookie recipe. Unfortunately, I seem to only bake them for an unrequited love. My most recent batch made me think how similar these two things are — cookies and crushes. On the surface they seem so harmless and wonderful, but they are actually composed almost entirely of elements that cause heart problems. I know this fact, yet I can't help but to sample a couple, maybe a few more... maybe bake another batch?... stupid

Oh but what is the difference between my special cookie recipe and a regular recipe for heart disaster?

 The only substantive difference between a conventional recipe (of mutual interest) and my recipe (the one-sided) is that you must slightly burn the butter in the latter. You can't simply melt butter. No. No. Melting is for lucky bastards following the conventional recipe. You must toil. You must make the butter suffer. It must be burned and tormented so that the sweet milk solids and innocent salt particles inside the butter transform into something darker. Something slightly bitter. But you wouldn't know that the butter has been burnt from tasting the end product. In fact, when the cookies are baked, they taste better and somehow more pure. 

But you can't eat these things forever. You either have to muster up incredible amounts of willpower to stop eating this shit, or you can continue to stuff yourself, like the oaf you are, until the inevitable heart attack sets you straight. My method of choice has been and continues to be Heart Attack for the win.

 I need to find a more sustainable baked good. The kind that doesn't try to kill you.

I suppose this isn't a failed bake in the literal sense, but I think it works as a metaphor. So it fits in the blog's overall theme of failure and sadness :)

P.S. Happy Birthday, Blog. You are now 1 year old.